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Smick Folk

by Acoustic Dan

supported by
Paul Doran
Paul Doran thumbnail
Paul Doran Dan is offensive to all the worst people and hilarious to all the best but if you're the kind of person who delights in being a bastard this isn't for you. He also happens to be a very crafty songwriter. I absolutely pished myself at his tragicomic murder-ballad to a buzzing fly when I first heard it five years ago and I still have it on repeat now.
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1.
Anthony was a paper boy The likes of which we'll not see again Burnt his soles out on the streets Of aul Belfast come sun or rain And all the local kids named him Gaga For he was a man of special needs And every scumbag near or far Would rob him as he walked his beat Up the Shankill Down the Falls From the Bone To Harpers st. Anthony Gaga was the greatest paper boy We've ever seen But all the beatings All of them soon stopped For his aul Da wasn't shy of guns He'd come home with a fresh black eye And some boy would find his knees done But some smart cunt got to thinking one day I bet that dafty planks his cash Lads if we follow him on his root Soon enough we'll find his stash Up the Shankill Down the Falls From the Bone To Harpers st. Anthony Gaga was the greatest paper boy We've ever seen So they followed him for a few long days And just when they were ready to give up He pulled a bulging sock out from his coat And them rats they thought they were in luck And as soon as he left his hiding place They ran like jackles to claim their prize And when the ring leader forced his hand in the sock It came out covered in Anthonys' shite Up the Shankill Down the Falls From the Bone To Harpers st. Anthony Gaga was the greatest paper boy We've ever seen Ya see our hero knew as well as us That these buck eejits were following him So he made a plan while on the bog And it makes me smile to think of him Not every story has a moral But this one does and it's a fuckin hit Special needs people aren't stupid And smart cunts can be thick as shit Up the Shankill Down the Falls From the Bone To Harpers st. Anthony Gaga was the greatest paper boy We've ever seen Up the Shankill Down the Falls From the Bone To Harpers st. Anthony Gaga was the greatest paper boy We've ever seen
2.
I remember that September sure wasn’t I shitin’ bricks for the school that I had been sent to was for lunatics And if you got into a fight You’d get covered in spit And if that fight was pre-arranged They’d fill bottles with piss And you couldn’t be a good boy You’d be labelled as a fruit And that may be one of the reasons why I never done well at school I was told by Mr Rooney to work to save me from the dole and by the horny Christian brothers to pray to save my rotten soul but I was reared to think that all of those in authority are twats and even now at 39 I still cant shake off that and I remember thinking sure you’re a cunt who’d wanna be like you And that may be one of the reasons why I never done well at school I was maybe there a month or two when I started smoking weed It was like that bit in the wizard of oz When they bring colour to the screen and I remember thinking that mathematics can be quite the rip If you start the morning off with a splif and a half a trip And the fact that id be outta my tits Before the fading of the dew Well that may be one of the reasons why I never done well at school And as my end was nearing and up came my GCSE’s I planked a bottle of cider by the barracks in a field And I drank it as I dandered but I never set the test because I punched a CT teacher right in his fuckin face Cos the hairy cunt kicked a wee dog and I thought oh I’ll have you And that may be one of the reasons why I never done well at school! Now sometimes I worry That I was just a lazy prick Or even worse than that What if im just fuckin thick Cos there were many there among The rapscallions and the hoods That came out of that shithole That did miraculously good Ahhh I bet them fly cunts cheated Yeah that’ll have to do Yeah it was every other cunts fault That I never done well at school. Yeah it was every other cunts fault That I never done well at school. Yeah it was every other cunts fault That I never done well at school.
3.
This is a scene from the city Told when the shadows creep When the streets are cloaked in dark silence And when junkies fall asleep And im walking home to my Rosie And im trying my best not to fall Too drunk to trust the ground below me Bouncing from wall to wall From the docks we follow the river As the moon gently stalks on its wave Been boozing with Dave Brownie-Murray And a couple more of our mates And I smile for the ones that are livin And I smile for the ones that are gone To have had the chance to have known them Yeah the chance to have known them at all This is a scene from the city Yeah the city to which I was born Where once the reel was bleached by violence With a tired repetisive score Where as children we played with toy soldiers As real soldiers stood at our doors Where the street lamps look so pretty When im drunk and on my way home Where the street lamps look so pretty When im drunk and on my way home
4.
My love said to me My mother won't mind And my father won't slight you For your lack of kind Then she stepped away from me And this she did say Sure it will not be long love Til our wedding day She stepped away from me And she moved through the Fair And so fondly I watched her Move here and move there Then she made her way homeward With one star awake As the swan in the evening Moves over the lake I dreamt it last night That my dead love came in So softly she moved That her feet made no din Then she came close beside me And this she did say Sure it will not be long love Til our wedding day
5.
Last night the cops and Belfast council came And they shut down our wee rave And sure wasn’t it just as the music Was makin’ me her slave When fifty coppers came a crashin’ in With faces long and grave Last night the cops and Belfast council came And shut down our wee rave. They came in at three in the morning Lit up by electric light They said good evening ladies and gentlemen We’re here to ruin your night But not before my pretty girlfriend Got the kitty outta sight And a collective sigh went over the room Like we’d all just stood in shite Last night the cops and Belfast council came And they shut down our wee rave And sure wasn’t it just as the music Was makin’ me her slave When fifty coppers came a crashin’ in With faces long and grave Last night the cops and Belfast council came And shut down our wee rave. There were many there among us That took this news quite bad Their little joyous E’d up hearts Now feelin’ rather sad But we showed no animosity To the filth in high-vis clad And although our night had just been fucked The scene made me aul heart glad. Last night the cops and Belfast council came And they shut down our wee rave And sure wasn’t it just as the music Was makin’ me her slave When fifty coppers came a crashin’ in With faces long and grave Last night the cops and Belfast council came And shut down our wee rave. They threw us out into the night The rain, the hail and snow And with it being three o’clock in the morning Without a place to go And they might have got us this time But in their wee dark hearts they know That as soon as their backs are turned Sh-sha shebeening we shall go. Last night the cops and Belfast council came And they shut down our wee rave And sure wasn’t it just as the music Was makin’ me her slave When fifty coppers came a crashin’ in With faces long and grave Last night the cops and Belfast council came And shut down our wee rave. Last night the cops and Belfast council came And they shut down our wee rave And sure wasn’t it just as the music Was makin’ me her slave When fifty coppers came a crashin’ in With faces long and grave Last night the cunts from Belfast council came And shut down our wee rave.
6.
Please don't cut your dick off You've just taken to much drugs Please don't cut your dick off You've just taken to much drugs For if you were to cut your dick off Sure you'd not have no fun Please don't cut your dick off You've just taken to much drugs Years ago I had a house That I shared with some friends We were in a band together Mentally disturbed young men And we would always push it As far as we could Fucked up 24/7 We were all still in our youth I came home from work one night I could sense something was wrong I checked in the video box All 14 trips were gone And I could hear strange noises Coming from one of the rooms So I ascended the stairs Armed with fly spray and a broom And I said Please don't cut your dick off You've just taken to much drugs Please don't cut your dick off You've just taken to much drugs For if you were to cut your dick off Sure you'd not have no fun Please don't cut your dick off You've just taken to much drugs I knocked on his door But I got no reply So I kicked it open Seen the madness in his eyes An outstretched knob in his left hand Rusty scissors in his right And I know it might sound mental But it was a pretty standard night And I said Please don't cut your dick off You've just taken to much drugs Please don't cut your dick off You've just taken to much drugs And he said "What the fuck are you on about? Are ya fuckin nuts?” I'm just giving my pubes a trim I do them once a month I'm just giving my pubes a trim I do them once a month
7.
Italia 90 02:00
Italia 90 When I was just a nipper My da bought me a football Its was a mitre delta So I gave the boys a call The street it was our pitch The gates became our goals And all the aul ladies would shout Go and play outside your own doors And that's what it was like Growing up in Belfast town We started up a match Everything was going rightly Then in the middle of the street Pulls up this motor doing about 90 Out jumped two boy-yos With a rifle and a mortar And attacked the lookout post At the barracks on the corner And that's what it was like Growing up in Belfast town Well we all hit the ground Just like we had been taught There were parents there were soldiers And alarms were going off And as i surveyed the scene Yeah what struck me most of all Was by the time I'd stood up Some hairy cunt had stole my ball And that's what it was like Growing up in Belfast town
8.
Well it's a simple case of us and them Say the leeches on the hill For what they want is what you don't Say the leeches on the hill We'll tell you who’s to blame for your shitty life And the fact that you can't pay your bills You get nothing while they get it all Say the leeches on the hill Focus on what makes you different Not what you've got in common With your brothers and sister until You no longer even recognise them as human beings Say the leeches on the hill Forget the N.H.S or the state of your street Just remember you’re a Paddy or a Bill Live in the past lest we forget Say the leeches on the hill Oh they'll load your ears full of shame and fear Til there's no more room to fill For a leech has needs and for a leech to feed A little blood must be spilled Yeah they've made a fine art of keeping us apart By denying us the red pill But if the working class could pull their heads out of their arse Who'd need the leeches on the hill Yeah if the working class could pull their heads out of their arse Who'd need the leeches on the hill
9.
Mr Fly 01:42
Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz There’s a fly in my living room And he’s drivin me up the walls Me and the paper’s been tryin’ and failin’ To kill him Cos his wee reflexes are so good And his wee stature is so small And its almost like he can see a second Into the future. And I haven’t had a joint in days And I guess that in someway Its gonna make things worse on him When I catch him He keeps landing on my head and my knee When im tryin to watch my TV I hate the feel of his wee legs When they touch my bare skin Ive got murder on the mind Yeah Mr Fly its only a matter of time Before I send your wee fly arse Through your eyeballs And I haven’t had a joint in days And I guess that in someway Its gonna make things worse on him When I catch him Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz Zzzz zzzz And I haven’t had a joint in days And this torture in someway Is gonna make things worse on him When I catch him.
10.
Most of modern Europe And all of the Americas Have been built upon good aul Christian values Or so I’ve heard them say Yeah they gave us these ten commandments But all you really need is the one. There’s no need to complicate it Just try not to be a cunt Yeah just try not to be a cunt boy just try not to be a cunt There’s no need for complications Just try not to be a cunt Yeah just try not to be a cunt boy just try not to be a cunt There’s no need for complications Just try not to be a cunt And the bible at a time might of helped mankind But it’s a very ancient text And some of the stuff that’s written in it No longer makes much sense Yeah if Jesus was around today I reckon he’d be right up front He’d say never you mind any of that other aul shite Just try not to be a cunt He’d say try not to be a cunt boy He’d say try not to be a cunt He’d say never you mind any of that other aul shite Just try not to be a cunt He’d say try not to be a cunt boy He’d say try not to be a cunt He’d say never you mind any of that other aul shite Cos all you really need is love.
11.
I’m sorry but the earths not flat And even if it was why would anybody lie about that Hunter Thompson shot himself in the head It wasn’t the CIA or even the FEDs And the illuminati don’t exist Its just a bunch of rich white cunts That buck each other when they get pissed The royal family aren’t lizards from space Why hide anything when the bad stuffs right in front of your face Smokin’ weed all day on the dole Crawling deeper down that rabbit hole And the further that you let yourself go The tighter that your eyes will be closed And they’re not actors that you see When another school shooting comes on the TV If you think everything that you sees a lie How will you tell the truth when its right in front of your eyes I blame unemployment and YouTube Men in their thirties with fuck all better to do The video that they don’t want you to see Should translate to the video That you do not believe Smokin’ weed all day on the dole Crawling deeper down that rabbit hole And the further that you let yourself go The tighter that your eyes will be closed Smokin’ weed all day on the dole Crawling deeper down that rabbit hole And the further that you let yourself go The tighter that your eyes will be closed
12.
A gentle man was passing by He asked for a drink, for he was dry At the well below the valley O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O My cup is full up to the brim And if I were to stoop, I might fall in At the well below the valley O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O If your true love was passing by You’d hand him a drink if he were dry At the well below the valley O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O She swore by grass, she swore by corn That her true love had never been born At the well below the valley O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O He said wee girl you’re swearing wrong Sure six fine children you’ve had born At the well below the valley O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O If you be a man of noble fame You’ll tell me who’s the father of them At the well below the valley O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O There’s one of them by your uncle John At the well below the valley O There’s two of them by your brother Dan At the well below the valley O There’s three of them by your father dear At the well below the valley O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O If you be a man of noble esteem You’ll tell me what did happen to them At the well below the valley O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O There’s one of them buried beneath the stone At the well below the valley O There’s two of them buried beneath the trees At the well below the valley O There’s three of them by the graveyard wall At the well below the valley O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O If you be a man of noble fame You’ll tell me what will happen meself At the well below the valley O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O You’ll be seven years ringing a bell At the well below the valley O You’ll be seven years burning in hell At the well below the valley O I’ll be seven years ringing a bell But the lord above may save my soul From burnin’ in hell at the well below the valley O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O Green grow the lily O Right among the bushes O
13.
Pride 2019 01:44
If you think gay marriage is wrong Then just don’t bother marrying one If the thought of gay sex makes you sick Well then don’t bother suckin’ dick If there’s something that I hate I just don’t participate And I’m sure Jesus will be OK If you don’t show at pride today I weighed in with my son He was smiling at everyone And everyone was smiling back Then we heard them ballsacks Preachin’ outside city hall Talkin’ an aul load of balls That nobody wants to hear About how Gods upset with queers A young queen walked past And I heard him say Oh my god that’s so fuckin gay I said aye your right there mate As we watched them by the gate Then on the grounds of city hall I seen some aul boy scold them all One of them near got hit With that crazy aul boys walkin’ stick Then the floats they finally came Drowned out the eejits at the gate All of us were havin’ fun While fightin’ for the right to love Then a group called Christians for Pride appeared Them people got the biggest cheer On their banners they had written All of us are Gods children If you think gay marriage is wrong Then just don’t bother marrying one If the thought of gay sex makes you sick Well then don’t bother suckin’ dick If there’s something that I hate I just don’t participate And I’m sure Jesus will be OK If you don’t show at pride today

credits

released June 3, 2021

All Songs by Daniel Gregory (excluding She Moves Through The Fair - Trad Arrangements- and The Well Bellow the Valley - Trad Arrangements)
Guitar, Bodhran, Vocal - Daniel Gregory
Slide Guitar, Piano, Percussion, Glockenspiel, Harmonium - Chris Dickson
Piano in A Scene From The City - Dominic O'Neill
Backing Vocals - Sean Doone
Backing Vocals - James Doone
Produced by - Chris Dickson and Daniel Gregory

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Acoustic Dan Belfast, UK

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